After 16 little people were jailed for riding amusement parks rides illegally, House Republicans joined in unity to support their tiny friends.
Washington, D.C.—After a heated debate, Republicans voted unanimously to parade small, American flags in a show of unified support for the growing number of imprisoned "little people" in the United States.
"Put them in a identification lineup and they're almost always picked first," said Senator Barry R. Kopoff, R-Vermont. "It's time we put our little people up on a pedestal to make them look like big people so we can look up to them."
A recent report by the Department of Justice has suggested that women dwarves all measuring under 4 feet 2 inches now makeup almost 11% of inmate population and male dwarves all measuring under 4 feet 6 inches make up a staggering 19% of inmate population.
"Nearly all of these pint-sized inmates end up in prison for violating amusement park height requirements. They are attempting to sneak on and ride roller coasters where height requirements are clearly displayed all along the line queue," said amusement park law enforcement officer Ron Leavy of the United States Amusement Park Law Enforcement Authority. "Attempting to ride an amusement park ride while knowingly circumventing height restrictions is a felony and is punishable by 5 years in prison and a ten-thousand dollar fine."
The courts have reported a recent surge of calendar appointments and request for public defender assignment amid a recent crackdown on attempts to ride tall roller coasters.
"That last thing we want to do is degrade these little bastards," said Kopoff.